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This is the tale of how dear Jerek the half-elf Ranger, Companion of Valeria de Valfierno (Rogue, first class), was blessed with not one, but four beautiful wives.

See, when the men in an inn are tipping the lovely dancing girls gold to make them stick around all night, you can up the ante pretty easily–you put down TWO gold.

But this is not how Jerek ups the ante! Jerek wants to be draped in multiple beautiful women! Not just the one Charisma 22 lady whose eye he caught. So Jerek throws down two PLATINUM pieces and asks Charisma 22 to bring over some friends. She readily complies. So now he has five dancing girls all of Charisma 15 or higher (though 22 didn’t let anyone above a 20 come over) draped all over him. And then he slaps down ten more platinum and goes “Who wants it?”

This is when the massive catfight breaks out.

When the guards come to sort out the mess of violent dancing girls, Charisma 22 walks off, essentially saying “I don’t need to deal with this sh*t, I can do better,” (Jerek’s charisma is at least ten lower than hers. . .). The other four all protest that Jerek has bought their hands in marriage, and they are his wives.

Jerek tries to convince the guards that this is a misunderstanding, he’s not married to any of these women, but two of the girls make their case more strongly than he does; he walks away with two wives (Alexia, charisma 19, though she’s now missing a tooth and has a broken nose, and the-girl-with-the-black-eye, charisma 20).

When Valeria encounters him and his lovely wives the next morning, she congratulates him, and sizes the ladies up. It seems that Alexia, poor deluded thing, is actually in love with Jarrik, while Black-Eye is in it for the money.

Val, being a rogue, a gypsy (Varisian, technically), seeing how miserable Jerek is (and feeling somewhat bad for the fool) starts giving Black-eye advice about what to do if the enemies who are constantly trying to murder us come after her. And Val tells it in the goriest, most horrifying way possible, with plenty of references to the crazy shit that has already happened to us. Eventually, Black-Eye up and leaves, deciding that she’s better off finding a SAFE life of luxury, rather than the fustercluck that is being attached to our group, especially considering she’d be living at the mansion with the bugbear, kobold, living doll, etc, and that’s much calmer than traveling with us on the road. Thusly, Alexia has joined the ever-growing group of NPCs associated with us and both Isern (our cleric) and Jerek now have significant others waiting for them when they return from adventures.

In conclusion, we congratulate Jerek on his four marriages, console him over his three divorces, and make sure that he knows if he hurts his wife in any way we are going to do terrible things to him because she’s a sweet, but previously abused girl.