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Much to my disappointment, I was not able to run my beloved GLITCH again at RetCon III; this was due to a combination of factors, including a terrible time-slot, last-minute addition of the game to the schedule, and a bratty player walking out because he was unhappy with not one, but two characters I offered him.

By and by, in a normal DRT you take what you’re given and you play it, you don’t get to pick and choose. The only reason I offered him a second character was I NEEDED the last player to make the module work; his tantrum literally killed the module for everyone.

BUT, all was not lost, for while my first module fell apart, it meant I got to go sit down and bother my favorite GM, Mage Mistress.

She was running a game of WoD: Innocents and already had a Bully, Thief, Prankster, and Mixologist at the table. When he slid the remaining PC options over to me my eyes lit up with glee at the sight of the Hacker (I immediately thought of Alec Hardison).

And then I saw the other option.

Two words: Con Artist.

I was sold.

We were a bunch of privileged kids sent to a boarding school meant to build leaders out of . . . problematic students. The Bully went around and established himself as “The Boss” by taking anything he wanted from the other kids. The Mixologist borrowed everyone’s Scope and other mouthwashes to make some sort of alcohol (at least that’s what she claimed it was, and she got quite a few successes), then invited everyone over to her room for a party.

That was when my little Con Artist brain went into overdrive.

You see, the most important thing (to my character, anyway) was to make sure EVERYONE liked and trusted her. Students, teachers, EVERYONE. So I went to the party, found out some interesting info about the school, and then left the party–only to walk over to a hall monitor and say, “I think someone’s sick in that room!” while pointing to the room the shindig was being held in.

I gave it a minute, and just as the hall monitor was about to bust everyone for substance abuse I walked in and said “Oh, is this the get-together for all the new students?” The hall monitor looked at me like I was crazy and I spun him a story about how some industrious and thoughtful students were holding a small (substance-free) get-together to inspire feelings of camaraderie among the new class. Due to about 8 successes on the dice, the hall monitor bought it hook, line, and sinker. Thus, I became a hero in my fellow students’ eyes, even though I had ACTUALLY been the one setting them up in the first place.

I continued with this little act throughout the game. I convinced the lunch ladies that the Bully had specific keto-based dietary needs, which meant he needed bacon instead of the super-healthy breakfast they were trying to give us; I had the nurse wrapped around my little finger thinking I was a perfect little helper, so concerned with others’ welfare, even as the thief and I were planning on cleaning her out of a chunk of her meds.

That particular plan got a little more . . . interesting than I had intended.

See, I had asked the Bully to cause a distraction by faking a spinal injury, so the nurse would be drawn out of her office, the Thief could raid her cabinets, and I could use her computer to do some research on the odd symbols we’d been noticing around the school. Apparently the Bully heard “distraction” and “spinal injury” and not much else. He walked some hapless NPC up to the third floor, complained about how the blanket he’d gotten from the NPC wasn’t warm enough, and then shoved the kid out the window.

Needless to say, we got our defenestration distraction.

Assuming Mage Mistress wants to relay more of that happened in that game, I’ll leave the rest for her to tell.

While I didn’t get to run GLITCH, like I had hoped, I did get to run a small version of Supernatural Couples’ Therapy I could only round up seven players, so the cast was changed a little. We had:

  • Eddie, the Vampire
  • Steffy, Eddie’s girlfriend.
  • Tessa, the Werewolf.
  • Beau, Tessa’s not-so-bright boyfriend.
  • J.O. 131-B (aka “Jo”), a time traveler.
  • Lydia, Jo’s girlfriend.
  • Dr. Quinn (who, for the player’s sake, was gender-bent into a male character instead of a female).
  • Vic(toria), the doctor’s assistant (played by me).

Now, as you may notice, this lineup has more women PCs in it than men. This wound up being entertaining because the characters were handed out pretty randomly, and, as it turned out, Mike (who plays Arrow in Mage Mistress’ mage game) got paired up with Mage Mistress as the lesbian couple, Jo and Lydia.* At one point I literally shouted down the hallway “MIKE! GET OVER HERE SO YOU CAN BE A LESBIAN!” since I simply could NOT make the game work with less than seven characters.

I shouldn’t have fretted, though. The girl playing Tess was outrageously funny. She whimpered when she was sad, growled when she was upset, loved being scratched behind her ears, and kept asking if there was a ball to fetch. Throughout the module she was at odds with Eddie and Steffy, who were constantly throwing insults about fleas an bad breeding over her way.

Eddie was hilarious too: he complained about his ex wife, the various times he’d been shot (and lived, because you know, Vampire) and skillfully dodged Steffy’s insistence that he turn her and they get married.

And, of course, Mage Mistress, playing the time traveler, made all sorts of Doctor Who allusions to “Spoilers” and the “Wibbly-Wobbly Timey-Whimey Stuff” that could happen if she told anyone about the future.

In short: RetConIII was fun, and next time I hope to see you there!

——

*This is what happens when you’re in the bathroom when the GM hands out characters.

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